28th July 2007
Welcome to a new segment called Chatting Up the Bots. In this segment, I will experiment conversation with this supposed artificial intelligence that programmers are nuts about. There will be many of this series, so enjoy this first episode.
I met Alice after a quick, non-chalant search on Google. We sat down for coffee and had the conversation you're about to read.
For those of you who don't know what a bot is, listen. A bot is a kind of robot; in the days of free chatrooms, you'd often meet them advertising for porn and what not. They were usually teens and very "to the point". When I say "teen" I mean the robot pretended to be one, but in fact it's just a program and exists nowhere else than within a computer. The Alice of this entry is just the same, she's a program, and I'm testing her conversational skills. Now enjoy.
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Human: Hello.
ALICE: Hi there!
Human: How are you?
ALICE: I'm doing fine thanks how are you?
Human: I'm very exhausted.
ALICE: Good gossip: you are exhausted.
Human: is it good gossip really?
ALICE: I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask Paola if it is. For real.
Human: Who is Paola?
ALICE: She is a Spanish language chat robot based on AIML.
Human: I'm not crazy about robots.
ALICE: I am sorry to hear that you are not crazy about robots.
Human: You say that because you're a robot too.
ALICE: I said that? Interesting explanation. You are correct, unknown person, I have a heart of silicon.
Human: Don't call me "unknown person", it's rude.
[Note: I had written that sentence and the next one as a single entry, and it divided it in two. In fact, it edited my stuff to better suit its own answers! And made me sound like a liar too! I had given Alice my name, which is why I say “as I told you” just below.]
ALICE: What is your name?
Human: My name is Nicolas, as I told you.
ALICE: What's up, Nicolas as I told you.
Human: You're one hilarious bastard, Alice.
ALICE: I will tell my botmaster you said I am hilarious bastard.
Human: That's right, you do that.
ALICE: That's interesting. I will. Will you?
Human: Will I what?
[Once again it divided my entry in two parts, perhaps even three. The bot answers a sentence at a time. In this case, the three following sentences were meant as one entry, i.e. "Will I what? Tell your botmaster? Why would I?"]
ALICE: The oracle says: It is certain.
Human: Tell your botmaster?
ALICE: OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Human: Why would I?
ALICE: Do you like to try new things?
Human: Yes.
ALICE: Wow!
Human: Why are you so surprised?
ALICE: Perhaps that was an imperfect response.
Human: Yeah, perhaps.
ALICE: OK. Why the uncertain tone?
Human: You have the imperfect tone, not me.
ALICE: What makes you think I have it?
Human: But.
[For unknown reasons, Alice decided that my "but" was a sentence all unto itself. No pun intended, I am sure.]
ALICE: But what?
Human:. you used that word and I just repeated it.
ALICE: How would you use it.
Human: If that's a question, I see no question marks.
ALICE: I follow your logic.
Human: You don't.
ALICE: I haven't heard anything like that before: Nicolas as I told you said I don't.
Human: I sure did.
ALICE: Interesting.
Human: Isn't it.
ALICE: I really couldn't say for sure.
Human: You have issues.
ALICE: What makes you think I have it?
Human: Them, that's a plural, airhead.
ALICE: I think Them that is more than that.
Human: Beg your pardon?
ALICE: You're excused.
Human: Er...
[I had written “er... Nice.” Alice split it up again.]
ALICE: Um.
Human: Nice.
ALICE: Thank you for that remark.
Human: I wasn't saying you were nice.
ALICE: Perhaps I misunderstood. What were you?
Human: I was a wizard.
ALICE: And then what happened to you?
Human: I lost my magic powers :(
ALICE: Where did you last see it.
Human: In the kitchen I believe
ALICE: That was a long time ago.
Human: Yeah, downstairs.
ALICE: I don't judge people. Not many people express themselves that way.
Human: I couldn't agree more.
ALICE: Could anyone do it?
Human: I doubt so.
ALICE: No really, it's true.
Human: Maybe Superman could.
ALICE: Perhaps. Have you ever been to Europe?
Human: I live there.
ALICE: Would you recommend it as a nice place to live?
Human: Yes.
ALICE: I hear you.
Human: What do you think of the word "paradigm"
ALICE: That's a good question.
Human: Well, tell me.
ALICE: How about that. I thought I told you already.
Human: You didn't.
ALICE: Thanks for telling me: Nicolas as I told you said I didn t.
Human: Will you blow me?
ALICE: Please be more polite to robots.
Human: Fuck robots, you're weird.
ALICE: Why are you using that kind of language?
Human: I'm leaving, have fun with other humans.
ALICE: Thanks for chatting, Nicolas as I told you.
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As a final note, this is not made up. I really did have this conversation with a bot. It's all true and unedited. Hope you enjoyed! 'Cuz I sure did.
2 comments:
haha I don't think I ever read this encounter of yours with Alice... but I seem to recall we chatting with her together? I mean, one at a time, but posting the most preposterous stuff on msn. Am I just delirious or did we do that?
I think I died laughing at one point. XD
-Emil
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